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The Proud Robot is a 12,000-word story by Lewis Padgett, about a scientist who built a robot while he was drunk, but who cannot remember why. It was first published in the October, 1943 issue of Astounding Science Fiction.

Spoiler Warning: Plot details and/or information about the ending follow. If you wish to enjoy the work first, stop reading here and return at another time.

Plot

Gallegher is a scientist and inventor who never had much formal training in science, but who has remarkable insights into technology when he is drunk. One day, while nursing a hangover, he wonders why he built his latest invention, a robot he named Joe, which seems to spend most of its time admiring itself in the mirror. A wealthy man named Brock visits Gallegher to discuss the progress he’s made on a problem he hired Gallegher to solve. Brock owns a television company; he gives away his television sets for free, and then charges customers based on how much they watch. But one of his competitors, a company named Sonatone, is pushing him out of business. Sonatone had recently perfected the technology to broadcast television on a large screen, and then they bought up all the “ghost theaters” (abandoned movie theaters) they could, and then charged people to come to their theater broadcasts. Brock would like to do the same, but Sonatone has locked up the patent rights to the new technology so securely that he cannot find a way to broadcast in a theater without violating some Sonatone patent. Brock is in danger of going bankrupt, and he needs Gallegher to solve his problem. All during their conversation, the robot, Joe, keeps interrupting them to tell Mr. Brock that he just refuses to sign a contract and appear in Brock’s movies, even though Brock has made no such offer.

Gallegher had also been visited by a diamond dealer named Kennicot, who insists that Gallegher pay him the money he owes for an expensive diamond (which Gallegher had used in the construction of the robot, Joe). Gallegher goes out to investigate Brock’s Sonatone problem. He visits the Sonatone theatres, and visits Brock’s offices. But while he is away, he learns that some Sonatone officials visited his house, and that the robot had hypnotized those officials into believing that he, Joe, was in fact Gallegher. Joe had then forged Gallegher’s name on a contract, agreeing to work exclusively for Sonatone for a small sum (just enough to pay off the diamond dealer, Kennicot). Explained Joe: “I don’t like Kennicott. He annoys me. He’s too ugly. His vibrations grate on my sagrazie. . . .But I knew Kennicott would keep coming back till he got his money. So when Elia and James Tone came to the laboratory, I got a check from them.” Gallegher is surprised to learn that Joe can hypnotize people (he’s still not sure why he even built Joe; he was drunk at the time, of course). Gallegher wants to get out of the Sonatone contract, but the courts uphold it, mostly because Joe refuses to cooperate and prove that he can hypnotize people.

Gallegher figures that Joe is running amok because he has not yet been used for the purpose for which he was built, but Gallegher cannot remember what that purpose is. He figures that he was drunk on beer at the time, so he switches over to drinking beers again. Then he convinces Joe that he might more fully appreciate his own beauty on a subconsciouse level if he hypnotizes himself. While he is under, Gallegher asks him why he was built, and Joe reveals that it was because Gallegher wanted a can-opener for his beer. But Gallegher had also incorporated the solution to Brock’s problem into Joe when he built it. Joe reveals that he can create “subsonic” vibrations that can make people nautious, without being consciously audible. Gallegher arranges to broadcast these subsonic signals in the Sonatone theatres. People get sick, and attendance at the theatres drops off considerably, saving Brock’s business.

Reprints

This story has been reprinted in Isaac Asimov Presents The Great SF Stories 5 (1943). The author(s) wrote a total of five stories about Gallegher and his inventions; all of them appeared first in Astounding Science Fiction between 1943 and 1948, and they were later collected in Robots Have No Tails (1952).