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Helbent 4 is a 7000-word short story by Stephen Robinett, about an automated warship, returning to the wrong Earth, centuries after fulfilling its mission. The story was first published in the October, 1975 issue of Galaxy Science Fiction.

Spoiler Warning: Plot details and/or information about the ending follow. If you wish to enjoy the work first, stop reading here and return at another time.

Plot

Helbent 4 was an unmanned, robotic warship, which centuries earlier had been part of a vast armada of warships which Earth had sent out to destroy its enemies, the Spacethings. The mission was successful, but on the way back, the armada had run into a warpstorm, which had wiped out all of the ships in the fleet except Helbent 4. The storm had also, unknown to Helbent 4’s computers, thrown the ship into a parallel universe, one in which no Armada had ever been sent, and in which Earth had not yet even made contact with the enemy Spacethings.

Now after 300 years in space, Helbent 4 is back in Earth orbit, and it sends a message down to NASA headquarters, asking for instructions, but no one there seems to know anything about the ship, or its mission, or the Spacethings. At first, the humans think that the ship itself is part of an alien armada, and they launch missiles against it (which Helbent 4, with its more advanced technology, easily destroys). In Helbent’s home universe, the USA was founded in the 16th century, and the first US president was named Schwartz, but this Earth is different. Helbent realizes that it could still have a purpose, since the Spacethings are still an undiscovered menace in this universe, and because Earth’s current technology (1980) is too primitive to fight them off yet. He explains all of this to NASA, but the humans there think this is some kind of alien trick, and they order Helbent to leave orbit, or they will fire more missiles at it. Helbent decides that it can do one last thing to help the humans, by crashing its ship on the USA capitol building. Helbent, the robot, will not survive, but the humans will have the chance to study the remnants of the ship, and that might give their technology enough of a boost to be able to meet the Spacething threat when it comes.

From his bones, crucified atop Capitol hill, mankind would take salvation...

...Helbent opened all communications channels to Earth, shouting into them.

“Whaaa-whooo, you lily-livered, sap-sucking gophers!. It’s me, the terrible Spacething! I’m a mean son of a bitch and I’m coming to get you! You better get your asses in gear because I ain’t alone! There’s a million more out there where I come from and in three hundred years we’re gonna crack this planet like a peanut! Whaaa-whooo, you lily-livered....”

The outer hull began to glow, visible in the night sky over Earth.

Reprints

This story has been reprinted in Donald A. Wollheim’s The 1976 Annual World’s Best SF.

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